Silent Wings
by Frostings
Summary: A fic dealing with the past of Souma Kagura...and where her future may lie.


**Silent Wings **

**Disclaimer: I do not own nor am I claiming to own neither the characters nor the story of Fruits Basket. But I really do love Kagura, so there. Umm, major spoilers for those who haven't watched the "pivotal Kyou episode"—the one regarding his past, and his parent(s?). ******

* titles of the fic and its chapters are inspired by the beautiful pieces by _Secret__Garden__. _

~*~

_I do not look for love that is a dream—_

_- Christina Rosseti_

~*~

**act one: fairytale**

The sky was big and blue, no, _very big and very blue, dotted with fluffy white clouds, that if you stare at it long enough you'll see them very lazily drifting by you, changing shapes, becoming a flower, then a dinosaur and then a tree. _

The fair was here. The fair was here! It took all of Kagura's self-control not to clap her hands with delight as she strolled about with one of her parents' hand firmly attached on one shoulder. The air was filled with wonderful noises she wanted to take in, all at the same time—laughter and music and wisps of conversations blending into one happy burst of sound. She grinned up toothily to her father, who smiled back at her. 

"What do you want to see first, Kagura?" her mother asked, her soft voice rising and falling against the loud backdrop of the circus. 

Kagura whirled about, trying to come to a decision. Her dark hair flew about like a dark cloud. Passing strangers and couples passed by and looked at Kagura and cooed admiringly. "What a lovely girl!" they said. "I wish we would have a child as beautiful as yours!" and her parents would smile proudly at them, and at each other. Kagura was their only child, and they loved her dearly, and doted on her. Nothing but the best for their little girl. Her hair was brushed up to a shine, her skin glowed healthily, she was dressed in clothes so expensive it was almost impossible to think that such prices were for children's clothing. Her shoes were polished, and she had chosen to wear red, among the many colors of shoes she had, because she had just read _The Wizard of Oz and adored Dorothy. Of course she had a matching dress and hat, and mother was only too happy to oblige her. _

Finally, she came to a decision. "There!" she cried, pointing out. "Let's go over there!" 

Her father's face creased into a smile. Just like any other little girl, Kagura had decided to go over to the carousel, standing out starkly in the middle of the fair. Sweet, tinkling music spilled over them as they drew nearer, and Kagura gazed in fascination as the carousel revolved, the horses bedecked gorgeously, and unlike most carousels, they were fashioned to look like real ponies. Their skins were made of velvet; they had long tassels reaching nearly to the floor, and had braided golden reins. Among the ponies were carriages, some designed like Cinderella's pumpkin carriage, another one was a wooden replica of the carriages during the 1800's, and there were whimsical ones, like the shoes and the teacups. They all glittered and beckoned. Kagura's father was already buying a ticket. 

He lifted Kagura off the ground and put her on his shoulders, as he and his wife approached the carousel. "Well, my baby girl," he said, "just tell me where to go." 

Kagura pointed to the golden-brown pony on the second level. "That one, Pappy." 

"Are you sure, sweetheart?" he looked up to where his daughter was pointing at. "It's awfully high up." 

"Dear," her mother looked uncomfortable. "I'm not sure if she should." 

Kagura pouted. "I'm brave, Mammy." She said softly. Her mother was afraid of everything. 

"Of course you are, dear, but…" it didn't look like Kagura's assertion of her courage settled her mother's nerves one bit. But it was immediately settled once Kagura's father bounced her in his arms. 

"That's my girl!" he looked at his wife, and quelled all her fears with one reassuring smile. It was wonderful, to be standing here at the carousel, with Pappy so close, and Mammy's comforting presence nearby. It was wonderful to see them interact so smoothly, working together, their attentions on her only. She snuggled to her father and gave him a kiss on top of his head.

"Alrighty! Let's go!" her father chirped as they began ascending the steps leading to the second level. It was the highest she had ever been, and though she was warmly clothed, Kagura shivered. Her father's strong arms were lifting her, and settling her on the back of the pony. "Hold on tightly, ok?" he said softly to her. She nodded, and suddenly she felt afraid. Pappy was leaving her. 

The music began, and the carousel began to move. She was alone on the second level, and she could hear the other children shouting and giggling on the first level. She held on tightly, very tightly, and kept her eyes focused on the two people watching her intently down below. Her mother smiled at her. 

But soon they were out of sight. Whirling, whirling, turning 'round and 'round. The fascinating sights and sounds didn't seem pretty anymore—it was nearly scary. She tried looking for her parents again. She bit her lip, telling herself not to cry when she didn't see them. Her red ribbons were fluttering as the carousel spun, and she closed her eyes, and then opened them again. A kaleidoscope that was what it was. But it was so more exhilarating than a kaleidoscope.

She didn't know why, but suddenly it wasn't frightening anymore.

~*~

She wound up the key for the umpteenth time as they rode home. After three carousel rides, and many others, her mother had disappeared and reappeared with a tiny miniature of the carousel she had just ridden. It was an exact replica, and the detail given to it was amazing. Other children looked at her jealously as she cradled the small carousel in her arms, smiling delightedly when it first came to life. Her mother pretended to be stern, ("Don't wind it up too tightly! How expensive these things are these days!") but couldn't hide the fact that she was pleased that her daughter was pleased after a while. It was her father who indulged Kagura, but it was her mother who knew what her daughter liked. 

They drove up to their sprawling country house, which Kagura's father bought for their vacations, far away from other Soumas (whom he didn't pretend to like). He had made his fortune separate from the family-owned companies, and exercised more freedom because of it. He took pride in this, too, and before Kagura was born, secretly hoped that she would be the one chance break away from the Souma clan once and for all. 

That was before they learned of her curse. It was distressing, for sure, and made Kagura's father hate the Souma blood even more, but other than that, their daughter was everything that they had hoped for. It was why Kagura's father insisted on taking his daughter away from the Soumas as much as possible, for they treated her…unlike the others. Husband and wife did not want this for their only child. 

"Well, well, well! Look who's come!" her father's pleased exclamation made Kagura look up from her cherished toy. A familiar fair-haired person was waiting for them at the driveway. 

"Teacher!" Kagura cried happily. The car slowed to a stop, and the man, smiling, approached them. He was dressed in traditional clothes, had long hair tied back in a ponytail, and looked neither young nor old. He offered a hand to his cousin, who shook his warmly. 

"Kazuma! How long has it been?" her father was saying, as Kagura and her mother came up. Servants appeared out of nowhere and began unloading the trunk of their car that was filled with groceries. 

"I'm sorry I didn't call first, Rui." Kazuma replied, eyes twinkling. 

"Bah! Don't even give it a second thought." Her father shook his head, grinning. "You're welcome anytime here, and you know that, Kazuma." 

The two had been friends since childhood, and although they had taken different paths, still remained good friends. He turned to Kagura's mother. "Suzuka! How are you?"

"I'm very fine, thank you for asking." She replied, as fondly as he did. They both hugged as they appraised each other. "You're not looking so bad, yourself." She said lightly. 

"And Kagura-chan! You've grown so much!" he patted her on the head, and she felt a little shy, and hid behind her mother. "Looks just like her mother." 

"Well, enough of standing around! Come in, come in!" the couple ushered their visitor in, and Kagura, not fond of grownup talk, scuttled towards the garden clutching her small carousel.

The country house's garden was Kagura's most favorite place in the world, and for good reason: it was beautiful. Her mother and two servants cultivated and took care of a rose garden here, and there were several leafy trees that dotted the wide lawn. There was a small table at the nearby porch where her mother wrote letters, and down the garden, there was a small stone path that led to a lake, where they swam and fished and went out boating sometimes. 

She tripped happily towards the table, where she had left her dolls, Kira and Lia, before she left for the fair with her parents. They were still having tea, and she wanted to show them the miniature carousel. But when she got there, she had the greatest surprise in her life. 

Standing in the middle of the garden, was a boy, about her age. He had auburn hair, and was very thin and pale. Dressed completely in black, he looked out of place in the sunny garden. He had his back turned to her, his eyes focused on the lake. She was happy, coming from the fair with her parents, the loveliest miniature carousel in her hands, but seeing the familiar figure made her so happy she thought her heart would burst. 

"Kyouoooooooooou-kuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!" she cried, running as fast as her feet would take her. The boy turned slowly around, and she saw that his face were drawn, his eyes, tired. And…something else. Emptiness. This wasn't the usual Kyou-kun that she was used to. The change was so jarring she almost stopped running. But upon seeing her, his expression changed from surprise to the expression of a deer caught in the headlights. His lips formed into a funny o shape, but before he could say anything, Kagura launched himself to him, knocking him to the ground. 

"Kyou-kun!" she laughed, tumbling onto the lawn and hugging him tightly. "I'm so happy to see you!" she went on hugging him, and was wondering why he wasn't saying anything. She raised herself up to look quizzically on Kyou's face, which was rapidly turning into a faint shade of blue.

"C—can't…breathe!" He wheezed, trying to pry Kagura's hands off him, to no avail.

"What is it, Kyou-kun? I can't hear you." 

"Air!" he choked. When it finally registered to her what he was saying, she released him. She covered her mouth. "I'm so sorry, Kyou-kun!" she cried, as he sat up, rubbing the ribs she almost broke. 

"Why are you always trying to kill me when we meet?!" he yelled angrily at her, catlike eyes narrowing, boring into hers. 

Immediately, as always when Kyou yelled at her, Kagura's eyes filled with tears, despite the fact that she was older. It was too late when Kyou saw his mistake.

"Do you hate me then, Kyou-kun?" she whimpered, wiping her eyes. **"Do you really, really, hate me, then??" her voice almost became an octave lower.**

"Um…um…that wasn't what I meant!" 

**"Kyou-kun!! You're so mean!! Why are you always so mean to me!!!" and with that, she grabbed his jacket sleeve and shook him so violently he almost felt his eyeballs rattling in its sockets. But that was only second to the pain of her viselike grip on his arm. **

Somehow, he didn't know HOW, but he managed so say, "Alright! Alright! I'm sorry!" almost as soon as he said it, the shaking stopped, and Kagura was looking at him with wide, tremulous eyes.

"Really? You mean it?" 

"Yes, yes and yes! Now let go of my arm before you break it!" he said grumpily, but she did not heed his request. 

"Yay! Kyou-kun and I are friends again. Now let's go have some tea!" Practically dragging him, Kagura and Kyou made their way towards the porch where some of her toys sat. Frantically, Kyou looked around for a place to escape and hide, but Kagura's grip was too strong. 

"Of course, you know Kira and Lia," she was saying, beaming at the two dolls sitting on the two wicker chairs. "They say hello. Say hello too, Kyou-kun!" 

Kyou snorted. "They're just dumb dolls." 

**"Say hello, Kyou-kun." The grip on his arm was tightening again.**

"Right. Hello." It was wisest to just go along with her.

She fussed about him and made him sit down, and fetched a blanket to put over his lap. She was chattering away, talking about this fair, this carousel, and the toy her mother gave her. But Kyou was not listening. He had slipped into another place, oblivious to everything. He didn't even realize that Kagura had stopped talking, that she had laid out pastries and tea on the table, and that she was looking at him with anxious eyes. 

~*~

_"What are you doing outside, Kyou? It's cold here." _

_He looked up from the snowman he was building. Somewhere, Kagura, who had sneaked out to call him out to play, was out looking for rocks and twigs for the eyes and arms of the snowman. _

_He didn't know what to say to her. Always, she found a reason for him not to go out, not to play with the other children. Not even if he promised to stay near the house, or that he would do his assignments, or if he was wearing his warmest clothes. But whatever he did, it was always not good enough for her. So he remained silent, gloved hands resting lightly on the mound of snow. _

_Wordlessly, she walked over to him and drew up the sleeve of his jacket slightly. There it was, and her face relaxed a tiny fraction. There it was, the red and white bracelet that encircled his wrist like a handcuff. _

_"Are you wearing the new jacket I gave you?" she checked, almost mindlessly, uselessly. "Good." She proceeded on checking everything he wore. But still she said, "It's still too cold to be outside playing, Kyou. Come in, I'll make you some hot chocolate."   _

_But it's colder inside, he wanted to say, but he didn't dare. So he said only, "What about Kagura-neesan?" but she didn't hear him. He wondered if she ever did._

_"I'm your mother. I know what's best for you." She finally said, when she saw the soft rebellion in his eyes. Taking his hand firmly into hers, she __marche__d him up to their house. He took a last look back to the snowman, abandoned and uncompleted. _

_Then there was a sharp snap. The door was shut and locked._

~*~

"What are you two doing outside? It's cold here." The intrusion of an unfamiliar voice made Kyou's head snap up in attention. The voice belonged to a woman who strongly resembled Kagura,  that he was almost startled.

"We were just having tea, Mammy. And we have blankets." Kagura replied. 

"Well, you better have it in here, with us." Her mother was already gathering the two dolls and the mini-carousel. "We don't want Kyou here to catch the sniffles, do we?" she smiled kindly at him, and reached out a hand to touch his hair. But before she could even reach him, he angrily brushed her hand away. He glared at her, and his whole body seemed to tighten with tension. 

"Don't touch me!" he growled.

Mother and daughter looked stunned with this reaction. It was Kagura's mother who recovered first, and she nodded at he daughter. "Of course. I'm sorry, Kyou." There was a pause. "Dinner will be at seven, children." Was all she said before disappearing into the house.

Kagura whirled to face Kyou, a reproach on her lips—and she had always been tolerant of her younger cousin, but before she could even speak, Kyou had run away. 

~*~

"How is Kyou?" Kazuma looked up from his game of chess, his opponent still studying his next move very carefully. Suzuka sat down next to her husband and sighed. 

"Such a terrible thing to happen to a child in so young an age." She remarked, reaching over and plucking a cigarette that was dangling on her husband's lips. She took a deep drag, and said nothing more. 

"That's why I brought him here. I thought a familiar face like Kagura-chan would do him good, and it was best that he should be out of the compound for a while." Kazuma turned his attention to the board as Rui moved his knight into position, threatening his queen.

"Really?" Suzuka raised a winged eyebrow, as if not believing it. Then after a pause of thought, assented,  "Kagura-chan has been very good to her cousins, has she not? Her being an only child an all. And I don't blame you at all, Kazuma, for bringing that child out of that piece of hell."

"I'm sure not a lot of those idiots back home gave the nod of approval." Rui relaxed as Kazuma gave thought to his next move, putting an arm around his beautiful wife.

Kazuma laughed dryly. "Of course not. What do you think of the Soumas? Humanitarians? They must be the most conniving, manipulative and self-centered people I know." This was how the two cousins spoke of their family in private—in a depreciating and unflattering manner, almost as if they did not belong in the family themselves. He retreated his queen, finally deciding not to sacrifice her just yet. 

For a moment, Suzuka had the mind to tell Kazuma that in this case, she was not surprised that the Souma family had reacted as they did with his decision. Being privy to the Souma's family secret, living in the same compound with the other families whose children were also cursed while Rui was away, she had long made up her mind about Kyou Souma and his roots. She had thought of Kyou's mother unusual—a dotty mother who pretended to be perfectly sane, although her exaggerated act of normalcy made it all more obvious. Now at least Momiji's mother, she had always reflected, never pretended to be all strong—she broke down quite easily. She took pride that unlike the others, she was still tough, and that her daughter was the perfect little angel—inside out, Jyunishi curse or no. She took another long drag on Rui's cigarette and smiled secretly to herself. 

"So how do you go about it?" she nearly jumped at the sound of Kazuma's voice, and she realized that she her mind had wandered off. 

"I beg your pardon?" she smiled politely. "Go about what?" 

Kazuma's voice lowered to a near-whisper. "The curse. I was wondering if I could really handle Kyou—if I could rise up to the challenge." He sighed wistfully. "He seems so angry about, well, everything. I don't blame him, though. First his curse, then his mother—or is it the other way around? How would I know I won't make the same mistake _she did? How do I go about it?" his expression was sincere, open, and almost boyish. It left no doubt in Suzuka's mind that Kazuma really __did care for the boy, ill-mannered might he be. _

Rui answered before she did, and without taking his eyes off the chessboard. "We don't, Kazuma. Well, at least we 'don't go about it'. If changing into an animal is part of who she is, then so be it." He looked up and smiled his easy smile, white pawn raised in midair. "If you treat him like he's made of glass, then it'll just make things all the worse for you and the child. It just establishes the fact that you're treating him like he's not normal. At least that's what Suzuka and I think." 

Kazuma digested this for several minutes and the game went by, undisturbed. Suzuka then stood up and declared she had to go to the kitchen and oversee the cooking, and, not wanting to have this ponderous atmosphere reach dinner, said, "Well, if I had known you Soumas had this silly curse going on, I wouldn't have married at all!" with her pretty face and bright laugh, it did just the trick.

~*~

Today was the day when her nightmare happened. 

She was running after a shadow. Running blindly, aimlessly, not knowing where to look, but bent on finding him, not knowing that she would be deciding to do this all her life. Years later in her life, she would wake up as she relived that day, only sometimes the surroundings changed. In her nightmares, she would plunge into a deep forest, or dive into the sea, searching for him as he escaped. She would run and run until she fell, or until she drowned. Always, her searching would be empty, futile. 

Her eye caught the backdoor leading to the kitchen swinging shut. Instinctively, she turned towards that direction and rushed in, and was greeted by two maids looking at her with frightened eyes. 

"Where did Kyou-kun go?" she asked them.

"He whirled in here like a hurricane!" one cried, while the other one said at the same time, "I think he went upstairs, Miss." 

Kagura thanked them, and went to the direction they pointed at. She found herself at the roomy dining room, but it was quiet and empty. Outside, she heard the voices of her parents, and her teacher. Her mother was reading aloud, as she always liked to do, especially when there was company. 

"'What was the idea in her poor little head?'" she was saying, and Kagura saw in her mind's eye, her mother pacing up and down the lawn, book in one hand, cigarette in the other; "'What was the bond that linked her to that other child? Was it because she had sacrificed to him her whole pitiful little fortune, or because she had given him her first kiss of love? The mystery is one and the same, for children as for grown-ups.'"

"Isn't that sentimental." Her father commented, a smile in his voice. 

Kagura did not hear what her mother's answer was, because she was bounding up the stairs, taking two at a time, and when she got to the landing, saw who she was looking for, and he was standing very still, staring at something. 

It was a whole wall dedicated to pictures of Kagura, from the day she was born, all framed beautifully and laid out systematically. Farthest to the upper left were pictures of her, a newborn with a tired-looking but happy mother. It progressed on with pictures of her when she was a toddler, taking her first steps, and trips to countries she couldn't remember. Family pictures were in abundance, in different backgrounds and poses. A great part of the wall was still bare, ready for the pictures that were still untaken. Kyou stared at all of the smiling faces, his expression bitter and hurt, and so many more she could not decipher. 

She took a step towards him. "Kyou-kun," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. He looked at her, and saw in her eyes the question, _Why do you run?_

Then, suddenly filled with a blinding anger, anger that seemed to have spilled over from looking at the smiling faces that seemed to mocked him, he swept his arm in front of her wildly, almost wanting to hurt her, his teeth bared, and screamed, "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING!!" 

She stood her ground. Kyou's eyes blazed with fury. She had never seen him like this before—mad, enraged. She didn't understand then. Downstairs, she heard the door open, and footsteps against the stairs, and voices calling out in concern. The two children did not move from their positions.

She didn't understand then.

What she didn't know, was that it would be the only time that she did not.

~*~*~*~*~

Author's notes: 

The excerpt of the story that Kagura's mother was reading out aloud was from the short story _The Chairmender by Guy de Maupassant._

I haven't seen a lot of FuruBa episodes, but I have access to the manga, so if anyone sees inconsistencies or mistakes, I'd gladly appreciate if you point it out in a civil manner. I'm not the creator of Fruits Basket, you know. ^_^; Suggestions and comments are welcome, too. If my writing is rusty, I'm truly sorry—I haven't written anything fanfic-related for five months. 

I know a lot of people don't like Kagura, and even less Kyou/Kagura, but please don't make this a reason to flame me. We're all entitled to our own preferences, ne? 

Thanks so much for reading. 


End file.
